Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
