I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
