I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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