never play flip cup with pint glasses
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
