ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
