So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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