sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
