You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
