Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
