ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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