His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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