Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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