She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
