Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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