At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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