i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
