The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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