help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
