I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
