Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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