wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
