i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
