New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
