So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
