I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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