4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
