her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
