I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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