bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
