you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
