Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
