don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
