I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You ruined the universe
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
