sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We got so high we made milksteak
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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