I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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