Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
