BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
