Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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