Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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