You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
