I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
