Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i will never coherently bang her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
