Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
