Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
