If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
