when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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