You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
