i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
