You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
