Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
