it's like iHOP with fire
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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